I don’t know about anyone else, but I can very clearly determine that my body is in a state of decay. It is simply not getting better all on its own. Oh, sure, it still heals itself when I get a little cut (usually due to my less-than-stellar kitchen techniques), and my bruises from running into things (which I do quite often) do eventually heal up and go away. But I’m talking about the fact that each day I’m alive is one day closer to the end of my life.
Apparently, yes, today is morbid-thoughts-with-Carrie day.
Stick with me, though…don’t you just have to agree that your body is a smorgasborg of contradictions and decay? I mean, I cannot be the only 30-something out there that is battling wrinkles and pimples at the same time.
It’s almost as if teenage-me is stubbornly not allowing middle-age-me to be fully present, but middle-age-me is just as obstinate, and refuses to be outdone by a past self. Add to this conundrum, a body that has been through two pregnancies and not nearly enough exercise classes and I guarantee you that the word that comes to mind is DECAY.
I was bemoaning all of this one day last week (to myself,of course, no one else will listen), when I was struck anew by something in the Word of God. Honestly, this is how the Bible works me over…by slapping me with truth when I most need to hear it….
“So I say, “My splendor is gone and all that I had hoped from the Lord.”
I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall.
I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me.
(I am pretty sure the writer and I would have some great talks over coffee.)
Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”
The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. ”
I was reminded that the only thing I can put my hope in that will never see decay, is God’s great love, His great mercies. I need that mercy again today, and I am praying that God will once again, help me to CRAVE him, about all else.
I am a mess.
An ugly, beautiful, God-seeking, God-needing mess.
And today, I am ok with that, because I already found new mercies just for me.